How do you do, “How are you?”

By Michael H. on January 11, 2012

There is a certain degree of polite conduct that people are always expected to maintain . Among these are the stock responses that you develop to simple questions that come as a seemingly incessant barrage. (That is, assuming you go into public.) I’m going to take a deeper look – not too deep, just the tip – at the philosophical iceberg of meaningless salutations.

photo from flickr.com, uploaded by popofatticus

The question that has always aroused my interests the most is also the slug line of almost every worker in the service industry: “how are you?”

Until they think about it, most people don’t realize just how hollow and empty this phrase actually is when asked by a stranger. I’d venture to guess that nearly every time it is used, the individual that asked the question doesn’t want to really know how you’re doing. How, then, did it come to be so widely abused?

To clarify, I’m not saying that I don’t understand the intent of developing a rapport between the employee and the customer. It would only make sense that you’d want the customer to feel comfortable if the goal is to provide them with, for example, food. It’s as though the question has simply become another hoop one must jump through before getting on with your purchase. There’s no real curiosity lurking behind those three words.

I cannot bring up the failings of needless niceties without pointing out the flaws within our responses. Just the other day I was going through the drive-thru at a local fast food chain (I won’t say names, though their signature burger rhymes with fig stack) when I mindlessly delivered one of these quips to the young man handing me my food.

When I was asked the aforementioned question, my favored response to almost anyone and everyone has been the ever ambiguous, “not too bad.” After asking how he was doing, the young man actually echoed my response. It was probably this mirrored response that got this quasi-philosophical ball rolling.

I hadn’t even driven too far down the road before it struck me that this was actually a peculiar response. Frequently the phrase has a similar meaning to the word “okay”. However, that is not what you’re actually saying. You are literally telling the person that things are bad, but they aren’t that bad.

My first thought upon this realization was that it was actually a horrible thing to tell someone if you did not absolutely mean it. Then it dawned on me that – despite using this phrase for years – no one had actually made an attempt to figure out what was happening to me that perpetuated this never-ending bad feeling. Of course, nothing was actually bad. You’d just think that someone might have examined what I was saying.

Another thought that occurred to me is the innumerable times that I have had my response given right back to me. I would like to know what sort of thought process causes us to feel the need to empathize with one another over such a simple question.

I can’t help but wonder what sort of flabbergasted look you could pull out of someone if you launched into some tirade about how terrible (or wondrous, if that were the case) your day had been. Perhaps if enough people performed this we would begin to see a shift towards far more original and creative greetings.

That, or maybe I should stop overanalyzing speech and simply count my blessings that the workers don’t launch into a rant of their own when I return the question.

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